My Life Process
How Life has been so far...
I came into planet Earth probably by the back door having been born at home and not via the hospital system. It was a normal childhood, I thought, total freedom to enjoy life in a small village, with play areas, substations, brick yards, train tracks, sewage works, rivers, fishing ponds.
Then we moved north to a town and pure freedom stopped, life was controlled by environment of a town, school miles away, same with college. Education great, same with work, I found my calling.
Then I found hot air ballooning, which was awesome floating on top of the clouds at 12,000 feet. But it was where I first found anxiety and panic attacks, meeting people i put on pedestal became impossible. a few times enough to nearly throw up with panic which subsided as soon as I was left in the car.
Late in life (35) I found my first female relationship, which as basically silence, she could sleep for 7 hours on a road trip with ZERO communications. And to this day no one has asked me questions about me, my work, my views. I was FIRED for another man and I didn’t know why so I began my quest to find out why.
Angry clients started to would bring out the anxiety and panic. My second relationship ended in pure full blown Panic Attack melt down with trip to A&E and a prescription for Diazepam – some how I decided that this is the only one I took in A&E. I would try and find my own way out. I did ask for help to end the relationship but was told it was up to me to end it.
How did it occur – a combination of the biggest job of the year, Christmas, relationship staying for Christmas. The biggest job became a nightmare, 3 days before print client took a pair of scissors to every page. It went to print but I was emotionally and physically exhausted. The relationship and staying for Christmas was just too much. I needed recovery time. I asked her to leave and she totally flipped out, had to hide the knives.
This time it took years to get back to normal.
There where smaller events that happen all the time the kick off Flight & Flight. It never went away however I tried to manage it. I learned to live with it and manage the events with Active Recovery – knowing my body needed time to recover. Giving it the time it needed.
Event No.3 the big one – this time about money.